Friends

Crazy times with good friends. Having a drink. Miss you...

Anders Petersen

This is an interview by Lars Mensel with Anders Petersen. One of the best ones I´ve heard with him. In 1998 I was in a workshop with Anders that meant a lot to me. By then I didn´t understand anything to be honest. That is why it meant a lot, because I had to work hard to find out what it was I was looking for and didn´t see then. It´s a long journey, being a human.

My subconscious mind led me to where I am now and slowly slowly I think I know where I headed from the beginning. Always a search about who I am and why.

Listen; https://larsmensel.com/blog/you-have-to-be-a-little-bit-stupid

Granny - mormor

This is a picture noone wants to see. My grandmother is dying...so close, but still struggling, she didn't want to leave, I know. She was fighting, literally, only minutes away from dying. One of the worst moments in my life. I told her she could leave, that it was okey. (You are supposed to do that when someone is going, they told me, but I hated it and it was not ok). My heart broke in that moment.
Some of the hardest words I ever said...and how could I bring my camera up to my eye? Judge me. But before you do... take a look at my first book. After that, make your judgement. She was soo important to me. I loved her to the end. And we both fought it. We loved our life together.

I am still here, struggling with my own shit. Miss you, grandmother, so much.
But, I know you are with me, no matter what.
I don't believe in religion, but I believe in love crossing borders between the live and the dead.

Belief

It`s hard to be a human, that is my experience, maybe yours too sometimes? We have certain measures though. We measure ourselves to our family or our neighbours for instance. You can choose.
Yes, you can choose to live your painful life in hope or the contrary. Whoever you are, whatever you suffer from, you have the choice to let go from your illness or to choose to fight it. That´s a fact. Scientists say. And I believe it.
Recently I have started to go competely a different way. One word scared the hell out of me. What is healing? To HEAL? Anyway. I needed help from someone...

I refuse

Today it's exactly one month since I started out on Instagram. 'Everybody has to have it, it's a window to the world!' I think it's a window showing the hollowness and a big black hole, a void.
Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp, Messenger are all the same company. Now the plan is to integrate these platforms with eachother. Sorry, if you have WhatsApp and you don't want Facebook, not your choice to make.
After being censored and not feeling comfortable at all, I left. After one month.
I refuse to get stuck in this web that spreads like the plague.
If noone will see my photographs because I don't expose myself where billions, trillions are looking for likes, confirmations, so be it.
If I like your photo, then you might like mine. Seriously?

Guess what

Well, no more words needed...

Small steps

Finally I received some money to continue my journey. Very grateful of course. The emptiness I feel right now will pass hopefully and I will be back on track eventually. Not now, but soon.
I have soo much to do, projects stock up outside my door and all I have to do is open it. But I´m not by the door yet. Taking small steps to build up all the energy I need to do what I love.

Brain

My wife is cutting up a head of cauliflower and I can't help but thinking of a human brain. I have had to be dealing a lot with mine for the last 16 months now.
The brain, our center, works and works. Imagine all the shit it has to filter...everything you see, hear and think.
It does a marvellous job! You think that You decide what to take in. Forget it. Your brain is doing it for you, magic!
Then something happens. A forced hit to the head. Rise and go on...
But something is different. The filter doesn't work. You didn't even know you had one from the start, did you? Well, be thankful to your brain, take special care of it. Because that is where the You are.

Wait

Shetland, I love it, not so much the story in itself, but the theme music and the lovely english accent, the landscape. Makes me feel at home and that is kind of strange since I've never been there...

Everything else is on hold in my life and that is not a good place to be in. Waiting...to be ok after the accident, waiting for workholders to call for me, waiting for scholarships and grants to be able to continue my work, I wait for so much. Hate it. The wait. What a good sign of progress!

Sweet September

The blue sky above me and the autumn sun is soothing my soul. Breath in, breath out. The seagrass moving in the wind. At first I don't hear it. Takes a while just to stop thinking, worrying and just be here and now. When the moment comes, it is wonderful to receive the beauty and to feel alive.