Twins

We went to the Museum of Natural History once when I was eleven years old. It was the most exciting experience I ever had outside school. And the most exciting were the Siamese twins. I had no idea about what that was and studied them in the glassjar with formaline for a long long time. I understood they died a very long time ago, so I didn't feel sad. More curious.

A long long time passed, say like 45 years.
I wanted to show my wife this very special experience and we went there a couple of years ago. "No, the twins are no longer in the exhibition, for different reasons. Read: Not to upset people. Would you like to see them anyhow?" Did we, Hell yea, that's why we came in the first place. Don't know what happened after that more than we were led into a special room and there they were! Beautiful, just like I remembered.

Now it's decided from some politician with moral as high standards taste they have to go. Where, is my question? It could upset people! Of course! But if we never got upset, means we don't live, my dear.
Here is my contribution to them, the Siamese twins.

Happy Easter, Athenians!

Yes, this weekend the greek-orthodox church mourn the death of Jesus Christ and tonight at 00.00 celebrates the ressurection of Him. They have fasted for 40 days, which nowadays means no meat, no eggs, no milkproducts. But after midnight tonight they all eat grilled lamb, preferably a whole lamb to share. The restaurants are fully booked. And fireworks of course.
I spoke to a woman about how important  their tradition of Easter is, the most important actually. The kids get presents, new clothes and new shoes.
When I told her about how we celebrate, she was shocked. Well, it's all preference.
I'm not religious at all. But I can envy the strong tradition of doing something together like that. They go to church on Good Friday and at nine o'clock pm they go in processions from the churches and there are many churches.
And then there is the light, at midnight. Jesus is back! Everyone lits candles.

And since the crisis in economy here in Greece still is very obvious and a reality, I understand that it may be even more important.

And what do I do? I enjoy the sun that finally came to Athens, spending time on the huge terrace and enjoy being here. In my solitude.

Käraste, hur blev det sen?

Min käraste,
Vad vore jag utan dig? En liten lort, som Astrid sa.
Försöker vara människa. Och vad är det? Att leva från år noll tills det tar slut...?
Någonstans i mitten är jag och det är den svåraste biten. Att hitta mening där.
Man förstår ju nu att livet är ändligt. Jag visste alltid, men förstod inte innebörden i det. Sen förlorade man någon viktig och det blev glasklart.
Och vad händer sen? Ingen aning.
Men hur fortsätter man efter en krasch mitt i livet? Vilken väg ska man gå?
Vad är viktigast? Det är just det. Vad är viktigast?
Drömmarna har krympt med tiden för att man vet att tiden är begränsad. Måste dom bli mindre för det? Drömmarna. Eller har de krympt för att man blivit äldre? Helt naturligt?
Kanske svaren finns runt hörnet? Man måste bara ge lite mer. Kanske. Se det som finns alldeles intill. En vacker dag är allt borta. Ingen katt som jamar efter mat...hur jobbigt än det kan vara. Ingen mamma att gå promenader med längre. Kanske ingen varm fru bredvid en i sängen längre. Vad är då all strävan värd att försöka fylla livet med annat? När allt fanns framför en hela tiden? Svara, någon!

Some days...

...I don't go outside and walk around in my pajamas all day long. A day of waste...no the contrary. These days are the most creative, I'm in a bubble. Just staring out into nothing from the sofa. Suddenly ideas and solutions appear. It's a necessary state to be in. I don't want to be disturbed in my room. Only need a pen and some paper to write on. Doesn't look like much, doesn't make much sense by then, but this is work. From moments like this I find myself.

Not on Facebook

If you don't have Facebook, you don't exist? In 2019. Isn't that just so sad, so bad. I'm sure there are people like me, who just couldn't do it anymore. And even those that never started. How can I find you? Well, like I used to do I guess. I travelled. Met friends. Shared addresses. Shared beds. Shared lovers. Shared a smoke. Shared life.

Some courtesy, if I may

The Reviewer or the Gallery or the Museum or the Magazine smile back through the lines in their response to the request. Ah, there is a small strike of light!

"Please, please send us your new book, we would looove to see it! And of course blablablabla...blablablAAA!"...

Finally a nice response, I think, and with some courtesy. As it should goddamnit! Worked my ass off for this book, well my head as well. What's the difference, hey!?

Days pass, weeks, years. So much for that bullshitsmile that got my book for free. Hope it will bite your ass one day and then I'll just hum a little tune by Amy or Patti maybe...

At VOID Athens

I've had a bad cold for a couple of days and spent my time under a blanket most of the time. The weather, so far, in Athens didn't help. But it doesn't matter at all. This is Ulrika Walmark, a new friend, posing for me at VOID. What a great venue and very nice people. Check it out, VOID Athens. That is a long way from the cold and hard climate in Sweden for a photographer like myself. Very different. Warm. Friendly. Just what I needed.

Rubina

I have to write about Rubina. She has been living in the streets of Exarchia for eight years with her husband. They are from Armenia. They live in a tent. I wanted to give her some euros, money, but she declined...

Power of the People

I'm in Exarchia in Athens. The area that was taken by the anarchists. But also drugdealers. That, to be true, feels bad. Although it makes me ponder about the power people have when going together. Doing things together. Graffiti putting out the messages. Squatted houses.
Sweden is very individualistic. People make enough money not to care about others.
Here you find anarchistic places to have a simple meal, pay what you can or not. I like the thought. We have a security system from the state, which is great, I don't want to blaim that. But to be honest, it makes us also very lonely and passive. Nothing to fight against. Deep down I was always an anarchist. I believe in the power of people.

Reflections

Finally a day with sunshine and I went out to look at the view from my penthouse. High enough and away from the busy traffic.
I need to stop and reflect a little. Still I don't quite get that I'm here yet. But it's doing me good. I can feel it. The creativity is waking up in me that was burried for a long time. No pressure. Most of my pictures look terrible, but that doesn't matter. Just to bring the camera up to my eye again is a victory to me. It's still a long way to go and I take babysteps. In between I need to rest and listen to my brain...that is the way to go but difficult. Working on it.
To go away from the comfortzone is sometimes necessary to be able to look at yourself. To change things that are not good for you. Habits.
I write in my journal, I give myself guidelines to keep. I stumble, go back to read what I intended and get back on track. Over and over again.
It's so hard to stay focused and not to fall back. But only to be aware is a step into the right direction.
There are many things that one can do to feel more content and alive. Shut down media and stop to read the news. Start to write a journal, with a pen and paper, not digital. Be analogue.
Don't watch television. Read books. Meet up with friends and talk about life or don't talk, take a walk together. Be careful with alcohol. Sleep well and eat well. Care about what is close to you. Don't try to change what you can't, but what you can. Yourself.

Streets of Athens

No

We are all bloody good photographers, aren't we? With colours and all that. Phones, everywhere that I look. My camera is doing it for me, yes?...small, but unobtrusive.
What are you doing with your phone...really. Do you print? Do you collect? Do you honestly document? Anything?
No, no, no. No, no.  No.

Akropolis

I wonder about people going in the same direction and why. I find myself wanting to do the opposite. That means it's harder of course. I question myself and have to reflect and make an active choice. Never took the easy way. But I can't stop wondering why...for sure it would be easier to follow the flow. But how boring. No I skip Akropolis, just looking at it from a distance and taking my own picture of it.

My view

An interesting thing that strikes me is when you change perspective. At home everything is familiar, you kind of grow into a comfortzone that not is helpful all times. You have to get out of it, I know it's a kliché, but klichés are often true.
Go to places you didn't know existed. Take a different line for once. Fuck it, I wish I could.

Reminder

Arrived yesterday in a wonderful AirBnbflat. So much space here and an enormous terrace all by myself. So far, so good. Although the weather is gray, I long so much for the sun. Eventually. But I thought to myself to make the best of it, hey!?
Planned to take a walk to a nice area with a little help from Google Maps. That confused me even more and it turned out that I walked in circles around the block and that tired me out. Well, I did some shopping for cooking, making my little nest comfortable and secure. The area around the block is really busy. I live close to several hospitals and the sirens are loud 24/7. Glad I took earplugs!
The first thing I did when I got back to my place was putting this note up.
Just to remind me that what I feel out there is fine, no need to feel down because I can't do everything I want at the moment. I enjoy it anyway...as long as I listen to myself...

Trying myself

Painfully aware. I took a chance, booked a flight and now I'm here in this busy city. Looking at the map, all those places I would like to go to. Have to remind myself of the conditions. Take it slowly and be happy...

EVA

Eva, vi kände inte varandra alls och ändå möttes vi en förmiddag vid ett litet bord. Efteråt kände jag det som om jag hade känt dig i hela mitt liv. Du, jag älskar dig, fina vän.